WHY YOUR STRONGEST PEOPLE MAY LEAVE
Often as leaders we can hyper-focus on weaknesses.
We are builders.
And as builders, we want to ensure that every area we oversee is strong and built to last. So we scan for cracks. We look for stress points. We notice what’s misaligned, underperforming, unraveling.
We brainstorm. We collaborate. We build strategies. We shore it up.
We evaluate service elements, ministries throughout the church, staff dynamics, volunteer engagement, the aesthetics of the building and grounds, church culture, community reputation, and online presence. The list can be endless. And the larger the church grows, the more ministries and leaders are developed, the more opportunities for improvement begin to show.
As a leader, I’ve fallen into this trap before.
There is no bottom to that pit. The more we look, the more we dig, the deeper it goes. And guess what? When you scoop out a shovel full of dirt to examine, there’s more dirt beneath it.
Improvement has no finish line.
When “Care” Looks Like Critique
I am a perfectionist. I don’t shy away from hard work. I expect those around me to carry weight too. And…
what fuels me is care.
I care deeply about the church. I care about the staff. I care about the ministries, the volunteers, the online reach. I want everything I’m involved in to be the best that it can be.
I want people to thrive and LOVE our church.
But what I’ve discovered is this: although my “care” fuels constant improvement, it can appear like constant critique.
For leaders like me, there’s a huge blind spot that, if not seen, can be very costly.
The Leader I Didn’t Think I Had to Worry About
I had a leader over my tech team who was extremely loyal. First to arrive. Last to leave. He wasn’t just a tech guy, he was a worshiper.
I would walk into the sanctuary during rehearsal prep and hear worship music playing. He wasn’t just setting up cables and placing mics, he was filling the room with prayer before anyone else arrived.
He had been over the team before I was hired and had the trust and support of everyone on his team.
I saw him as a massive blessing and a clear strength.
So when he asked to meet with me and told me he was leaving the church,
it hit me hard.
I cared about him and his family. I took him to lunch multiple times over the years. My wife and I personally supported them when he faced unexpected medical challenges. We would have said we thought we loved them well.
Had you asked me who I expected to leave, I would have named someone struggling in their role. Someone I was having difficult conversations with. Someone I was actively coaching and correcting.
But the person who was struggling was getting my time. They were getting my attention. My coaching. My investment.
The person I trusted the most?
The strongest one?
The loyal one who never “needed” anything?
He got the least of me.
If I could go back and give myself advice, I would say this:
INVEST MORE IN your strengths.
The Squeaky Wheel Problem
There’s a saying my dad says: “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”
We usually apply that to people who constantly ask for things. But it’s also true of weak areas in an organization. The squeak indicates something isn’t right. So it gets attention.
The three other wheels on the car?
They’re appreciated. They’re assumed to be fine. They get checked quickly and we move on.
But here’s the problem: those “quiet wheels” are carrying just as much weight.
This can be especially painful for those with servant-hearted personalities, the ones whose love language is acts of service. They don’t ask for recognition. They don’t need the spotlight. They just want to love through their work.
So they serve…
Week after week.
Month after month.
Year after year.
Imagine constantly pouring yourself out and rarely being seen.
Sure, someone checks on you now and then. But they don’t really connect. They assume that because you’re doing the job well, everything must be great.
But sometimes the work is also an escape.
When life feels chaotic, people gravitate toward what they can control, what they understand, what they excel in.
And sometimes privately patting yourself on the back doesn’t fill the tank the way genuine appreciation does.
If the quiet wheel is neglected long enough, it may begin to believe:
I’m not valued. I’m not seen. Nobody really cares.
It’s crazy to think that the person a leader views as their strongest, most valued team member can feel like the least valuable simply because they never received the attention everyone else did.
Celebrate What’s Working
As leaders, we must learn to celebrate strengths just as intentionally and often as we correct weaknesses. (or maybe even more)
We need to publicly praise quiet faithfulness, privately affirm character, spend time with people who don’t demand it, and create rhythms of encouragement, not just correction.
Strong people still need shepherding.
Dependable people still need development.
Loyal people still need leadership.
Building a Culture That Sees Everyone
This is not just about being nicer. It’s about building culture intentionally.
If your leadership rhythm is always reactive, fixing problems, addressing issues, managing underperformance, you will unintentionally create a culture where attention equals struggle.
But what if attention also meant value?
What if your team knew that excellence would be noticed? That consistency would be celebrated? That quiet faithfulness would be honored?
Culture doesn’t accidentally drift toward health. It is built with clarity and reinforcement.
That’s why I created The Ministry Culture Code.
*available under the RESOURCES tab
In The Ministry Culture Code, I walk leaders through how to define the behaviors, values, and standards that shape their teams, not just what we correct, but what we celebrate. Because whatever you consistently reward becomes your culture.
If you want to build a team where:
Strength is noticed.
Faithfulness is affirmed.
Excellence is defined.
And every person feels seen and valued
You need more than motivation.
You need a framework.
The Ministry Culture Code gives you that framework.
As leaders, let’s keep building strong ministries. Let’s fix what’s broken. Let’s shore up weaknesses.
But let’s also remember:
Not everything that’s quiet is fine.
Not everyone who is strong is full.
And not every faithful servant feels seen.
